A (Step)Mother's Day post

Mother's Day is approaching. In my life, there are two mothers I recognize. My bio-mom... and my stepmom. I love them both and I even call both of them "mom." Each of them knows I have a unique relationship with them - in other words, one could never replace the other. But I can't imagine being who I am today without both of them.

Mom I and Mom II... Happy Mother's Day. I love you and I thank you for all you have done, and continue to do, for me.

I cringe whenever I hear "wicked stepmother" being said, or when I hear the fairy tales with the evil stepmothers. It's really a shame that stepmothers have been, and continue to be, so vilified.

I could write about some of the horrors I've experienced as a stepmother. I could wax bitter about being scorned and hated... having never been given a chance at all. I could tell you about being undermined and submarined. It hasn't been easy. In fact, there have been times when I was very close to just walking away from the marriage because of the horrible way I was being treated. And I know that there are a lot of stepmoms out there who have experienced the same.

But I'm not going to do that... because I realized that each day is a new day. And with each new day there is hope. I also realized the power of quiet forgiveness.

That, and the fact that I really do love the kids. I have no assurance that the feeling is mutual.

Things have gradually gotten better over time. Sure, there are good days and bad days. But it seems like the bad days are far less frequent. (Unless I'm just deluding myself.) I know it'll never be "The Brady Bunch" with us, but I am content to take what I can get.

I found this poem and wanted to share it here.

What is a stepmother?
A step below or a step above?
Someone for you to (sometimes) love?
Someone to share your laughter and tears?
Or do you grow quiet when she comes near?

What is a stepmother?
A step above or a step below?
Someone to teach you and help you to grow?
Is she a mystery to you, or someone you know?
Are you true with your feelings, or are they for show?

I'm a stepmother, so let me define
What a stepmother is (at least in my mind).
A stepmother cares for her family and home
And loves her step kids like they were her own.
She fixes their meals, treats a cold, ties a shoe...
Anything that a kid's real mom would do.

A stepmother consoles you when you feel sad
And hands out a punishment if you are bad.
She'll tuck you in bed and read you a story -
And yet, it's your real mom who gets all the glory.

A stepmother hides the tears that she cries
When Mother's Day comes and then just slips by
With no card, and no hug. Though she really feels sad,
She won't let you see it and won't let you feel bad.

She feels like an outsider but tries to fit in.
If you're playing a game with her, she'll let you win.
She makes sure your birthday is one special day.
When hers is forgotten, she'll just look away.

When your teen years come, life gets much tougher.
To a stepmother these years, for her, are much rougher.
You may say or do something that injures her feelings.
Please keep in mind that she hurts while she's healing.

Your stepmother has done the best she could do
And no matter your age, she'll always love you.
For Mother's Day, the best present to get her
Is the most precious of all - that you didn't forget her.

To all the mothers and stepmothers out there, let me wish you a very happy Mother's Day.

To those of you whose mothers and stepmothers are still around, take the opportunity to show them love or, at the very least, say thanks. If your relationship is strained, perhaps this is the year to mend those fences.

And don't forget that stepmoms are moms, too.