Recipe For Disaster: Parenting Without Boundaries

I wrote previously about the demise of the dinner table and its detrimental effect on families. I've written about kids who were left to fend for themselves at mealtimes rather than their whole family sharing a meal together. As you may recall, I was horrified.

I'm sad to say that I'm seeing more horrifying things more often... and not on TV. I see them in real life. And in every single case, the problem stems from overly permissive parenting (and I use the word "parenting" loosely).

What follows is a real-life example... a true story. It makes me sick to think about it.

There's a parent and stepparent in the area who allow their teenager to smoke cigarettes (as long as it's outside - no smoking in the house). The teen even gives the stepparent money and the stepparent buys cigarettes for the child. Their rationale? "If the kid is going to smoke, there's nothing we can do about it."

Say WHAT?

Last time I checked, buying cigarettes for a minor was illegal. It's also illegal for minors to possess tobacco.

Someone please tell me what kind of people would condone this kind of behavior from their child, let alone help them continue to do it?

I'll tell you what kind of a parent would do it... a permissive one. One who would rather let the child do what he or she wants, rather than set forth any boundaries and enforce any rules.

Sure, it's no fun to have to be the "bad cop" and hand out consequences when your child breaks a rule. Goodness knows my boys can throw a world-class fit when they break a rule. But that's all part and parcel of being a parent. It's not all fun and games. Part of being a parent is preparing your child for life in the real, outside world... and that means being able to follow rules and accept consequences. Not to do so is cheating your child out of having a real parent. It's neglect, plain and simple.

Ever the jurist, I stumbled upon a recent Tennessee court case that addressed this very thing.

A mother was driving her teenage daughter and some of her friends to school one morning. One of the girls produced some cigarettes, which the girls proceeded to light and smoke.

The mother repeatedly asked the girls to put out the cigarettes, but the girls refused. The mother didn't stop the car or make any attempt to take the cigarettes away. The girls kept on smoking all the way to school.

The girls arrived at school late and had to report to the school office. A staff member smelled the cigarette smoke and reported it to the assistant principal. The assistant principal questioned the girls and then suspended them from school... and then called their parents.

One girl's mother took her daughter to the local juvenile court judge and the girl was given a test for tobacco, which showed a positive result. The girl then testified to the judge about what happened.

Among other things, the mother who was driving the girls was convicted of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, which is a misdemeanor. She was sentenced to 11 months and 29 days in the county jail. The mother appealed the case.

The appellate court agreed with the trial court and went on to explain the ruling. The appellate court said, "although the defendant (the mother driving the car) did not supply the cigarettes, she ultimately did nothing to stop the children in her car, including her own daughter, from smoking. . . . In fact, she provided a place for the girls to smoke, insulated from exposure to the public and law enforcement (her car). . . . After reviewing this evidence, we conclude that a rational trier of fact could reasonably find beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant committed the offense of contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

In other words, the court said that if you simply turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to that kind of behavior, you're just as guilty as the person who actually supplies the cigarettes (or drugs or alcohol).

And to that I say, AMEN.

But then I'm left with another question. How in the world did it get to that point... that a court has to tell a parent what should be, I believe, common sense?

What has happened to our society to make permissive parenting now the norm? When did the parents lose the role of authority? When did teaching respect become passé?

WHY WON'T A PARENT PUT HIS OR HER FOOT DOWN ANYMORE?

Personally, I think it has something to do with entitlement mentality and laziness. Our society has endorsed instant gratification. Buy now, pay later (or never). Get all the benefit without any of the work.

Unfortunately in this kind of situation, it's the kids who are getting stuck with the bill. It's sure a tough one to pay when they can't handle life in the real world when they're adults.